April 2006
A few of the 100 reasons why it's greater to be a 'Man' than being a 'Woman':
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You don't have to monitor your friend's sex lives.
• Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
• Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
• Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
• Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
• You have a normal & healthy relationship with your mother.
• You needn't pretend you're 'freshening up' to go to the bathroom.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
• People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
P.S. - If any woman reader would like to contribute to 'A few reasons why it's better to be a woman than a man', please email us at properties@narains.com or fax to 26235329 with your version, which will be printed next month. Thank you. . .
October 2005
$ Celibacy is not hereditary.
$ Marriage is the process of finding our what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
$ The longest sentence known to man - "I DO".
$ Why are men like computers?
a. They're useless until you turn them on
b. They have lots of data but can still be clueless
c. As soon as you pick one, a better model comes on the market.
Why are women like computers?
a. No one really understands them
b. All your mistakes are stored in their memory
c. You find yourself spending all your money on accessories for them.
$ What do you call a Sardar with one hair?
EKbal Singh
$ Which brother of Kalidas makes shoes?
Adidas
$ How can you tell when a man is a bachelor?
He comes to work from a different direction every day.
$ How are animals smarter than humans?
Put 20 horses in a race and 1000 people will go and see it.
But if you put 20 people in a rance not even one horse will go and see it.
$ What did the cannibal say when he first saw an ice skating rink?
"What do you know ... People on the rocks!"
$ A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Yes, anything!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?
"Wishing you a Very Happy Diwali & Prosperous New Year!!!!
Chetan, Sanjeet & Devendra Narain
August 2005
$ SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
$ There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
$ I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
$ Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
$ Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
$ If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.
$ ADAM : The only man in the world who couldn't say 'Pardon me, haven't I seen you before?'
$ FOR SALE : Complete set of Encyclopedias, excellent condition, no longer needed, got married last week. . . . WIFE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
$ Q : What do you call a wife who's sexy, beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Ans : 'A rumour!'
$ Today's PREDICTABLE Weather forecast in MUMBAI : Dark night followed by sunrise in the morning.
April 2005
$ "Mechanic to Car Owner : "I couldn't repair the brakes, so I made your horn louder.
$ "Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. They both are empty neck upwards.
$ "Q. Why did Santa Singh take his pregnant wife to Pizza Hut?
A. Because they advertised 'FREE DELIVERY'.
$ "Q. What is the difference between a 'watch' and a 'wife'?
A. Ek bigadti hai to bund ho jaati hai, Aur doosri bigadti hai to
chaaloo ho jaati hai.
$ "Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man, And,
Behind every SATISFIED woman, there is an EXHAUSTED man.
$ "Women are like phones.
They love to be held and talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you'll be disconnected.
$ "Q. How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a 'blonde'?
A. There is a stamp on it.
$ "Your birth certificate is an apology from a condom factory.
$ "Did you ever notice that when you are driving, anyone going slower than you is an IDIOT, and anyone driving faster that you is a MANIAC.
$ " Next time, borrow money from PESSIMISTS. They won't expect you to return it.
$ " Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. What men know about women.
February 2005
$ " Teenage - The time between. . . .
1. between pigtails & cocktails.
2. When your children begin to question your answers.
3. When a girl makes up her face more easily than her mind.
4. when girls begin to powder and boys begin to puff.
$ " Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
$ " An ulcer often shows that a man is in big money : either he is making it or owing it.
$ " Doctor to patient : "Don't take your problem to bed with you."
Patient : "I tried, but my wife is not ready to sleep alone."
$ " Every time I open a fortune cookie I find a note inside from my wife telling me to come home at once.
$ "Did you notice how my voice filled the auditorium?"
"Yes, I noticed that a lot of people left to make room for it."
$"If you were my husband, I'd give you poison."
"If I was your husband, I would take it."
$ " A smart woman always asks her husband's opinion after she has made up her mind.
$ " If you want your wife to listen, talk to another woman.
$ " Definition of Globalization :
Princess Diana's death : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicine. This message was created by an Indian on a Chinese phone smuggled by Pakistani . . . .
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November 2004
$ My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, "I" stayed in the bathroom and cried.
$ She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
$ What is the thinnest book in the world? Biographies of Happy Women.
$ A man had been drinking for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. He looked inside the car and he saw the man's girlfriend and his friend, Dave, kissing. Shaking his head, he walked back and told the drunk to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar, laughing.
"What's so funny?" asked the bartender.
"That stupid Dave?" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
$ Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
$ The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
$ There is a brunette and 11 blondes hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope would break if one of them didn't let go and they would all fall to their deaths. The Brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself for the others. At the end of the speech the blondes all clap.
$ Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
$ Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
$ A police officer stops Santa Singh for speeding and asks him very nicely if he could see his license. He replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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October 2004
$ Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
$ Gujju Lover (Man) : Darling, Mere kaan main kuch halka sa, kuch naram sa, kuch namkeen sa, kuch chatpata sa kaho!
Gujju (Woman) : DHOKLA ! ! !
$ He came at night ….. explored my body, touched me, kissed me all over, bit me, did what was to be done and when he was satisfied, he left me. . . . .I was hurt . . . . BLOODY MOSQUITO!!!!
$ Vajpayee, Musharraf, Aishwarya Rai and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissi